Not Even a Recipe: Homemade Yogurt

This isn't my yogurt, but mine looks similar!

Store bought yogurt is not that expensive.  Maybe Fage is...  But, your average generic non-organic plain yogurt is not too bad.  What if I told you that you could have fresher, organic, made-to-your-exacting-specifications, yogurt for a FRACTION of the price of storebought?  Does it sound like some gimmick?

It's not.  It does require a few moments of your time.  Wait!  Where are you going?  Don't close the browser.  It's easy.  I promise.  In fact, it is more of a "method" than a recipe.  And you can customize it until you get yogurt so good and so in step with your preferences that you will walk past that mile-long yogurt aisle at the grocer (that gets bigger by the day because everyone is obsessed with GUT HEALTH OMG).

Which leads me to this little side-thought:  How can a country that gets more obsessed by the day with probiotics be so afraid of making their own yogurt?  My MIL even said "isn't that how you get listeria?"  The answer is:  no.  More on "hygiene" of this later.  Of course, my mom is cool with homemade yogurt but freaked out when I ate cold pizza, so maybe everyone has their own line in the sand.

Here are the simple steps to starting your yogurt making JOURNEY:

1.  Purchase some good, fresh, organic milk.  Preferably whole-fat, but any fat level (or none) will work.  You can even use non-dairy milk, but I've never tried it.  The amount depends on how much yogurt you will make.  If you want to "experiment" first, use just a quart to start.

1a.  Obtain a yogurt starter.  Get a yogurt that you like the taste of (the taste is the bacteria) (OOOO YUMMM).  If you like a bloppy one, get a bloppy yogurt, and if you like a really acidic tangy one, get a really acidic tangy yogurt.  My current starter was given birth by a Fage full fat Greek yogurt.  My prior one was from my friend, but I contaminated it (more on that later).  You don't need to purchase fancy "yogurt starters" online unless you want to be that fancy.  But it's not worth the money in my opinion.  The amount should be about 2 tablespoons to every quart, but it doesn't seem to matter much how exact you are here.

2.  Get a container that you will use as your "yogurt container" and incubator.  Mine is a plastic tub given to me from my friend who gave me some of his homemade yogurt to try, hence starting my foray into this.  You can use glass, too.  I don't see why you can't use ceramic.  Just probably don't use metal.  Make sure it is SPOTLESSLY CLEAN (as Julia Child would say).

3.  Get a nice thick-bottom (no judging!) pot/pan.  This is what you will use to heat your milk.  Your milk will probably scorch to the bottom of a thinner pan.  This happens to me every week.  I'm saving up for a Le Creuset cast iron pan, but we all have our troubles.

4.  Get a reliable, quick-read thermometer.  Preferably the best digital one you can find, preferably with a long probe so you don't slowly cook your poor little fingers as you read the temperature of the milk as you scald it.  I recommend a Thermapen MK4, of course I'm classy like that.  Any good decent one with good reviews online will do.

5.  Get a clean dishtowel and set aside.  This will be important later.

6.  Google "homemade yogurt" and the top searches of the day will come up.  You can see that there are many methods to doing this.  I read a few and did what worked for me.  The two key parts are:  scald milk, incubate at a constant temperature.  The rest is up to you.

7.  To begin, pour your quart of milk into the pan and heat slowly and steadily to 185*F.  I've seen it as high as 200*F and that's fine too.  You probably don't want to go higher than that, and probably don't boil it unless you want to make something closer to cheese, which is fine, but not yogurt.  Read more and dork out about milk proteins or just trust me on this.

8.  It'll take around 20 min.  Monitor the heat.  Every so often, dip your thermometer in to read...  Be patient and it will hit 185*F.  Remove from heat.

9.  Now, cool down to 100*F to 115*F.  It needs to be cool enough to not kill the yogurt you're about to add.  You want the good bacteria to go to town on the now-"clean" milk (the scalding killed any rogue buddies in there).  The best way to get this cool fast is to take the hot pot (with lid on) and submerge it in ice water, and stir it around.  A cold tile/granite countertop works well, too.  So does having it watch a Wes Anderson or Lena Dunham movie (just kidding).

10.  Once your handy dandy thermometer reads in the "lukewarm but not hot" range mentioned in Step 9, mix a little of the warm milk in with your yogurt starter (you can have this in a clean bowl waiting).  Then mix that slurry into the warm milk in the pot.  Mix around.

11.  Get your CLEAN yogurt tub or container (etc.) and quickly pour the warm inoculated yogurt into the container.  Quickly wrap the container in your clean dishtowel and put somewhere that will have a constant temperature of about 110*F so the yogurt bacteria can do their thing and transform your milk into yogurt!

12.  The best thing for a warm place is probably your oven with the light on (but oven off!).  However, sadly, my oven light is out even though we have a new oven.  So, I did something I haven't found online but it really worked:  I put the yogurt in my microwave and rigged a little paper towel into the door so the door remained closed but light remained on (like a really low grade Easy Bake oven!).  This worked splendidly.  I've done it a few times now.  Another option is to google other people's ideas--this includes putting it in a cooler, for a similar effect.

13.  Now, just let it sit undisturbed for anywhere from 4 to 12 hours.  I've done it overnight a few times and it worked to get a good texture.  I sat it last time for only 5 hours and it had a mild, almost "crema" tang to it, which was lovely.  You want a nice custard texture.  You might want it runnier than I do, in which case you can have it slightly cooler (on the 100*F end) or stir it when it's DONE inoculating.

14.  Chill the "cultured" yogurt (by now, it will be talking about kale and bragging about some new art gallery opening in SOMA) for at least 2 hours before eating (not sure why this is a thing but it works for the texture to set more).

15.  Eat and enjoy!  I like mine with some fruit and no sweetener.  You might like it with jam; maybe add some peanut butter too!  Yum.

TROUBLESHOOTING:

Google "homemade yogurt troubleshooting" to find out what could possibly go wrong and how to fix it.  I found making yogurt very easy but I did run into a slightly rare problem:

My first two tries had my yogurt taste and feel like SNOT.

Gross, right?  I never said I was perfect.

I didn't die but I didn't eat more than a serving of each batch.

The whey looked like runny snot, and if you scooped it up, it had a "string", and it was just not a good mouthfeel.

Don't let this discourage you from making yogurt!

Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, throw out that old yogurt, and start all over again!

You see, this problem was due to me feeding my sourdough starter at the same time I was culturing the yogurt in our kitchen.  Or I had just baked it, or both.  The little yeasties floated in with the yogurt and contaminated the batch.  So sad.  But if you're a DIY person, you probably have this or some beer or kimchi floating around.  Just remember to keep them far away from each other, and keep the yogurt covered, especially in the cooling-off phase when you are tempted to keep it open to speed the cooling.  Keep all your utensils and tools and containers really clean.  Don't use an old sponge to clean them.  Use the dishwasher or scrub with a paper towel or very clean sponge.  That's my warning to you.

Otherwise, it's stupid-easy and a great way to feel like you made something from scratch, you're healthy, and you're super folksy too!

Remember, like sourdough, there are a few methods and things to remember, but people did this who couldn't read and had ten babies clinging to their skirt, with no running water or refrigeration.  If they could do this (as humans have for eons), you can, too!  :-)

This is Not Even a Recipe: My World Famous Meatballs

Sorry for the messy sides.  That's life!

I first ran across this "recipe" somewhere on Pinterest.  It was fast-approaching time for me to think about what I was going to feed upwards of 30 people for a July 4th party at our house.  I needed something that wouldn't require the oven--it was going to be 100*F that day.  I needed something that didn't require my attention.  I needed something that didn't require much effort.  To be honest, how tasty this would be was not one of the top criteria.

But I sure did luck out!  I made this recipe, and not only was it one of the best things I've made, but it got people who didn't even know me (or know that I was one of the party hosts) (living with roommates ftw) to stop me and exclaim "OMG DID YOU MAKE THESE THEY ARE SO GOOD."

This made me incredibly happy, but also a little pissed off.  I have made stupid recipes from other food blogs that made me shake my fist in frustration and ask an empty kitchen, "did you even try this before publishing your post??"  I've spent several hours in the kitchen, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning, slaving away, only to be told politely after much prodding, "uh, yeah, they're okay..."  My husband, who always strives for honesty, will be the one to say, "it took you THAT LONG to make?  What a waste of time."  (See: mini calzones from a blog that shall remain nameless and also boycotted)

Which is why I love these meatballs.  The effort to reward ratio is spot-on.

Get a few pounds of frozen meatballs.  I used Trader Joe's Party Size Mini Meatballs, which are 20 oz per bag, and I used two bags.  They are fully cooked, frozen, and ready to go.  Also, they're tasty.  You can stick them in a quick and easy soup, too.  But I digress.  The small form factor means an optimal sauce-to-ball ratio.

Get a 12 oz bottle of Heinz chili sauce.  It doesn't have to be Heinz, but this works best for me.  I have also tried "Homade" brand, which worked fine and is probably more natural.  But, are we really that concerned with natural foods when we are making this?

Get about a 12 oz jar of grape jelly.  You basically want it to be equal parts jelly to chili sauce.  So, if you can only find a Costco-sized tub, just eyeball it when you "assemble" this dish.  I tend to try and find an organic version that has no HFCS (high fructose corn syrup).  It's all up to you, though.

Get out your Crock Pot.  What?  You don't have one?  You can get one for super cheap basically anywhere, even the grocery store.  You will thank yourself soon enough.

Put the three ingredients in the pot.  Turn to "high" and stir gently to distribute the sauce, especially the grape jelly.  Usually I don't really keep track until someone asks "um, should we turn this to low?"  But I would say put it on high for at least an hour, since you have frozen balls (don't you hate when that happens) that you want to warm through.  Then keep on "low" for the next few hours as the party progresses.  Near the end, I might reduce to "keep warm" or I might just turn off at that point--heck, all the meatballs are probably done by then!

This is Not Even A Recipe: Blistered Shishito Peppers

Gotta love that cast iron!

If you read any cool hip food blog, you will see a prevalence of recipes as of late for blistered or roasted shishito peppers.  Now, I am not cool, so I had never heard of such peppers.  Jalapenos, yes.  Shishito, no.  Are they hotter or sweeter than jalapeno?  Would it be like a bell pepper?  Or like an Ortega chili?  I had no idea.  I was intimidated.

But enter Trader Joe's.  When such items appear at Trader Joe's at their cheap and cheerful price point, it makes trying intimidating stuff super easy.  So, I saw the bag of shishito peppers in their produce section, and figured even if it was a failure, I'd be out about three bucks.  And besides, as usual on a Friday night, I was starving after my ballet class which ends a bit before nine.  So, basically everything in the store looked great.  I spent a lot.

When we got home, I heated up the cast iron pan and while waiting for it to heat, I slowly rinsed off the shishito peppers and threw them into the hot pan (this is the only prep--no slicing, ribbing, or anything else).  I let them go (POP POP) for a minute or two before pouring in a couple glugs of olive oil.  I tossed and turned the peppers over so that both sides or all sides got those pretty blisters you see above. 

Since this was an experiment, I will say a couple tips:

• When the peppers are done cooking, immediately remove them from the hot pan to retain their freshness and crispness.  Otherwise, you'll get basically roasted peppers, which is not bad, but not what we're looking for.
• When you have the peppers in said serving bowl, toss in some salt and mix...  That's all you need.

So, that's it.  Peppers and salt.  The bag was maybe half a pound?  I ate the WHOLE DAMN THING.  My brother "helped" by eating like two or three.  I ate the rest.  Low calorie snack, full of vitamins?  Not bad.

Oh and one more little tip:  The bag warned that "one in ten" peppers carries a "spicy kick."  They are not kidding.  Nine in ten are super flavorful and wonderful, a certain taste I can't describe except to say it's like a yummier than usual Ortega chili.  But that one in ten makes your face go numb.  You've been warned!  But don't let it stop you from this pepper adventure.

This is Not Even a Recipe: Lazy Muesli

This is not a sad desk brunch!

Well, the above picture of my breakfast may not look too impressive.  But trust me that it was tasty and can only get tastier.  I found that Trader Joe's makes an "Organic Multigrain Hot Cereal."  It has rolled wholegrain rye, barley, oats, and wheat.  I consider it a nice little change from oatmeal.  Oatmeal is awesome, but all these different grains make for a unique flavor.  You can definitely have it cooked, as any hot cereal.  Here is a good recipe for PB&J hot cereal using the stuff.  As usual, a cheap thrill from TJ's.

For the above, all I did was put some of the uncooked cereal in a Tupperware-type container.  I have some cooler containers, but the ugly Ziploc one was on the counter so there ya go.  I put about half a cup, the serving.  Then I put enough milk to have it swimming around a bit, about 3/4 to a cup.  You could add other ingredients here or the following day, depending.  I put it in the fridge overnight and had it for breakfast the next day (you can microwave it the next day if you want, too).

I like it cold and mushy (that's what she said).  Add some trail mix, chopped fruit, cinnamon, sugar, honey, etc...  You have one fantastic breakfast.  Since I had dental work done yesterday evening and am supposed to eat "soft foods only," I just had this as is, with some dried cranberries mixed in.  I'm trying to reduce sugar, so I had about six cranberries swirled in, and I fished them out like you do the cherries in a fruit cocktail (or is that just me?).

Some ideas to add:

• chopped apple
• chopped banana
• jam (berry jam would work great)
• trail mix (almonds/cashews work great)
• dried fruit (or part of a trail mix - tropical fruit or cranberries works great)
• orange juice (super European way to do things)
• cinnamon
• honey/maple syrup
• pinch of salt sometimes adds a good flavor
• hey, no one's looking...  why don't you add some chocolate chips?  :-D

This is Not Even a Recipe: Zucchini Saute

Ah, zucchini.  I just love dark greens, zucchini, and bell peppers (especially red ones).  But, I'm trying not to get in a rut, so instead of doing peppers and chard last night, after a long busy day and on my own for dinner prep, I went with zucchini.

I broke out my trusty big cast iron pan, worth every penny even if you don't take into account that I got it for free from a family friend.  I love this pan!  More on the pan in another post (and how to cook with and season a cast iron pan).  The pan came to me with some rust and wear and a weird layer of not-cool grease.  But now it is a trusty mainstay of my kitchen (and can be used as a weapon if need be, too) (you know, like in cartoons? when the pan would turn into the shape of the hapless person who got hit?).

Okay, I digress.

I can't really say this is a recipe, but I can definitely say that this proves you can put something yummy on the table with little to no skills, no recipe, no time, and only a couple ingredients.  I am not even going to list out the things I used.  Just read on.

I had about a pound of green zucchini from Trader Joe's.  I chopped off either end, then cut them lengthwise into quarters, then sliced that into coins.  In other words, 1/4 of coins, like little triangles.  You can cut it up however you want, but I wanted to save cooking time by taking some time on the front end with prep.  You could also grate it, but I wanted a little bit of "meat" to my zucchini.

I added some olive oil to my cast iron and when it shimmered, I dumped in the zucchini as I cut them up.

I usually add onions first, but in this case I really wanted to cook the heck out of my zucchini.  So, once I had the zucchini all in, I grabbed one medium-sized onion (about 4-5 inches in diameter), peeled it, and diced it up.  For a good method on how to mince or dice an onion, YouTube it.  Once you get some practice in, it's easy peasy.  Just remember to have a sharp knife.

Add the onions to the zucchini and stir around.  Things should be shiny and start looking a little translucent.  Then add seasonings.  Go with whatever moves you.  But definitely include salt and fresh-ground pepper in this.  After adding salt and pepper, I added some thyme, turmeric (love the color and it's so good for you, and also super TRENDY now), and garlic powder.  I might note a lesson I learned here:  I treated us to truffle salt, but that really is a finishing salt as the truffle flavor was more or less absent from the final dish.

Stir and stir and scrape until it is a doneness you like.  I wanted this to be almost like zucchini butter.  Yes, google that and you can find something really fantastic to put onto your toast if you have gotten tired of avocado toast (come on, even though it's overdone and trendy, avocado toast is delicious). 

Once my zucchini was about a third in volume of what I started out with, I tasted a bit to check for seasoning.  You can serve as is, as a side, or in my case, I mixed some pre-made ravioli from Trader Joe's into it, along with some French butter.  Magnifique!